Positive Ways Churches Can Show Respect for Marriage

by Eric Black, Baptist Standard Editor

Same-sex marriage is not only approved by the U.S. Supreme Court, it is now approved by the U.S. Congress. Congress calls the legislation “Respect for Marriage,” but all Congress has done is define what marriages are legal. It’s up to us to define how marriage is respected.

That leaves churches that do not affirm same-sex marriage with some choices. They can focus on regaining enough cultural and political dominance to reverse laws allowing same-sex marriage, even though the well-organized efforts of the last 40 years toward that end have not succeeded.

They can withdraw from the surrounding society, much like the Amish and some Mennonites, though the success of this tactic is also in doubt.

Or they can winsomely embody their convictions within the surrounding culture. The question many have, however, is how to do that. What follows is just a handful of practical suggestions.

What Churches Shouldn’t Do

Following the Obergefell v. Hodges decision in 2015, many churches that oppose same-sex marriage sought to avoid participating in same-sex weddings. They amended their bylaws to include a definition of marriage and a prohibition against their clergy performing same-sex ceremonies, as well as prohibiting their facilities from being used for the same.

Some of those churches thought these bylaw amendments were all they had to do in response to same-sex marriage. They were wrong. Some also thought updating their governance was all they had to do to demonstrate their estimation of marriage. They were equally wrong.

Churches that do not affirm same-sex marriage ought to make their convictions clear, whether in bylaws or otherwise. No one should have to guess where a church stands on something as significant as marriage.

But churches should not think state and federal laws and church bylaws are sufficient for expressing respect for marriage.

What churches should not do is formalize their convictions in governing documents, then wash their hands. They also should not go back to business-as-usual pre-Obergefell and the Respect for Marriage Act. This amounts to a sort of head-in-the-sand approach to the world as it now is — or worse, a grumbling do-nothingism unbecoming of Christ’s church.

What Churches Can Do

By contrast, churches must follow the example of Jesus, who took on human flesh and lived in this world as it is. He walked into difficult situations more often than He avoided them. He touched people the religious establishment despised. He ate with them, and I’m certain He laughed with them. He told them to sin no more, and He forgave them.

Churches of every stripe can live more like that. They also can practice their convictions about marriage in positive and practical ways.

• Premarital Counseling — Churches that value marriage need to enable the best possible start for each one they have the privilege to foster. One way they can do this is to invest in premarital counseling.

Often, the pastor is the default premarital counselor, but a church that values marriage ought to have a more robust program than that. It ought to carve out money in the budget, time on the calendar and space in the building for couples to receive the best preparation for marriage a church can provide.

It ought to enlist as mentors some in the church who have demonstrated years of faithful marriage through the trials and triumphs of life — whether those people are still married or not. A widow or widower has much to teach a young couple about marriage “until death do us part.”

And it ought to be offered to couples inside and outside the church.

What sort of premarital counseling or mentoring does your church provide?

• Marriage Enrichment — Churches that value marriage need to look for ways to enable couples to strengthen and possibly revive their marriages. Marriage enrichment programs and events can accomplish that.

For marriage to stand the test of time and all the trials time brings, married couples need support from others. They need cheerleaders and coaches. They need accountability and community. They need the resources marriage enrichment can provide.

Like premarital counseling, marriage enrichment should be built into a church’s budget, calendar and space requirements. It should be held by the church as an ongoing commitment and should be offered to couples inside and outside the church.

Not every church on its own can afford marriage enrichment programs and events. Not to worry. Churches can join together — like local Baptist associations do — to put on events or facilitate an ongoing program.

What is your church doing to enrich marriages?

• Childcare — Churches that value marriage need to look for ways to enable couples to maintain the health of their marriages. One way to do that is to provide childcare on a regular basis for those with children so the couple can spend focused time together.

Once again, childcare needs to be built into the church’s budget, calendar and space requirements. For churches unable to afford to provide child care, there’s good news. Just like with marriage enrichment, churches can join together to share the investment and joy of childcare.

Churches can make a profound statement about the significance of marriage by providing a young couple with periodic nights of childcare.

How is your church enabling young couples to keep their marriages strong?

Disagreeing with the Respect for Marriage Act is one thing. Showing respect for marriage is another. There are positive and winsome ways to do so. Let’s invest more in them.

— This article is shared with permission from Baptist Standard and was first published at baptiststandard.com/opinion/editorials/positive-ways-churches-can-show-respect-for-marriage. Eric Black is the executive director, publisher and editor of the Baptist Standard. He can be reached at eric.black@baptiststandard.com. The views expressed are those solely of the author.