LIFEWORD: Letters to My Children - Pure and Gracious Speech

By Joyce Parker

To My Children,

I want to talk to you about your tongue. Proverbs says that death and life are in the power of the tongue, and James writes that whoever can bridle his tongue can control his whole body. With such extreme statements as these, it is a very important subject.

Our words reflect what’s inside of us. Jesus says it’s not what goes in the mouth that defiles a person but rather what comes out of the mouth, “for out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false witness, and slander” (Matt. 15:19). Clearly, the words we say have a deeper meaning and give us a glimpse of our true person.

Jesus mentions lying and slander. We know from the Ten Commandments that it is wrong to bear false witness (or lie), and slander is bearing false witness about a person to hurt their reputation. James says we should not bless God with our mouth and then with the same mouth curse someone made in His image. Someone who truly loves and worships God should not turn around and say bad things about other people.

Not only should we not say bad things about other people, but Ephesians says our words should give grace to and build up whoever is listening. Paul exhorts us not to let any corrupting speech come out of our mouths. “Corrupt” can mean anything that degrades, ruins or brings down the moral value of something. It can also mean perverted, rotten, tainted or foul.

This applies to all our words, but it certainly applies to foul or perverted language — our modern-day curse words or language that is sexual in nature. Our words are not unintelligible sounds or ambiguous, morally neutral phrases. Words have meaning in every country and culture — that’s how we have language. Some words are worse than others because of the meaning attached to them or their ability to degrade or bring down the moral value of our speech or the person or thing we are talking about. So, if our words are not gracious and uplifting, we should not say them.

Proverbs says, “Gracious words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the body” (Prov. 16:24), and “A gentle tongue is a tree of life, but perverseness in it breaks the spirit” (Prov. 15:4).

Our words matter. They can either be pure and seasoned with salt to give health and healing to those around us, or they can be perverse and flavored with foulness, insults and slander and hurt the people around us.

A tongue that tries to do both is a contradiction — it ought not to be so! My children, if you struggle with unrighteous or ungracious speech, ask God to help you “set a guard over (your) mouth” and “keep watch over the door of (your) lips” (Psalm 141:3) and pray that your words would be the kind that gives life.

I love you. Grow in godliness and your love of God.