HEALTHY CHURCH: Connected or Disconnected?
As a leader, there will be times, even while you are around many people, you will feel very alone, even disconnected. Why is that? Leaders must take stands that others are not willing to take. Think of the three Hebrew boys in Daniel 3. Leaders will have to make decisions that others are unwilling to make. Think of Joshua and Caleb in Numbers 13. Leaders will be required to take great steps of faith that others are unwilling to take. Think of Abraham in Genesis 12 and Hebrews 11. Do not ignore the reality of the lonely aspect of leadership.
We have never been more connected as a culture, technology wise, yet many, including ourselves, have never felt more disconnected at times. With smart phones, you can be connected to someone all the way around the world at any second you desire. You can even be connected with them while ignoring those who are in the same room with you. Carey Nieuwhof stated, “Nothing feels quite as strange as people treating you as poorly as you regularly treat them!”
There are many benefits from the technology of today to encourage others through texting and social media. If you are not very careful though, it can become a part of the challenge of being “connected” while simultaneously being “disconnected” to those you are actually sitting next to.
We live in a world where you can have 500 “friends” on social media and still feel isolated and alone. It has been well stated many times, “Solitude is a gift from God; isolation is not.” Isolation isa tool of the enemy. That is why, when there is opportunity, it is so important to connect with people through speaking to them one on one and showing your desire to know them better. You never value someone more than when you are willing to listen to them.
Technology is not inherently good or evil of itself but instead reveals and amplifies a flaw that is already present. The problem is you and the problem is me because we have allowed the death of connection with those we minister to because our lack of connecting with them through conversation and confession. All too often, we are talking at them rather than genuinely listening and asking good questions to connect better. Scripture tells us to confess our faults (sins) to one another. That is where you willingly come before God and others to admit all that you are not.
If you are truly connected to those you are in community with, then you own up to the fact that you are not all you pretend to be, all you hope to be or all God has called you to be. Disconnection is not primarily a technology problem or even a “sign of the times” issue. Being disconnected is a human problem each one of us must address and quit making excuses. The challenge is not resisting change or adamantly opposing all change, but the challenge is learning how to thrive in the midst of the change going on all around you.
Why is that so important? Resilience in ministry is a result of relationships. The worst times are not when things are not going well and appear to be falling apart. The worst times are when you feel you are facing the challenges and resistance alone. When you look back at how you made it through those challenging times you can usually name someone who came alongside you and helped you through those dark moments. It is said that Navy SEALs go through what they refer to as “hell week” to not only weed out the weak but to teach the strong that they will need to rely on each other.
The statistics prove that your chances of perseverance in college, work, exercise, freedom from substance abuse and church ministry increase exponentially when you are a part of a peer/support group. Exodus 18:18 (NASB) states, “You will certainly wear out both yourself and these people who are with you, because the task is too heavy for you. You can’t do it alone.” As a leader, you need allies who will fight alongside of you, teams to whom you can share the load of responsibilities and soulmates to whom you can confide your doubts, fears and struggles.
The truth that cannot be overstated or emphasized here is how strongly the connection is between resilience and relationships. For some reason, expanded leadership influence often goes hand-in-hand with increased relational isolation. You can easily become resistant to allowing anyone to step inside your private world and struggles. John Maxwell said, “People who lead themselves well know a secret; they can’t trust themselves.” Leader, here is a warning — be careful in your attempt to create structures that allow greater leadership freedom, which can be a good thing, to create structures that include little formal accountability, which is usually a bad thing.
Yes, it is slower to lead with a group and a team, but it is healthier and it is definitely wiser. “Where no counsel is, the people fall: but in the multitude of counsellors there is safety” (Prov. 11:14). The reality is that we need advisors because we all have blind spots, insecurities, self-serving sin natures and the temptation to go rogue and do what we want to do. Remember and never forget, you are only a part of the body you belong to, not the whole body. We all need godly advisors in our lives to protect us from ourselves.
Pursue biblical community by connecting with people who love you enough to protect you from yourself. Rebuke is not usually any fun or enjoyable. However, wouldn’t you rather endure the temporary pain of rebuke if it means being delivered from the long-term pain it makes possible? Proverbs 24:26 conveys the truth to all of us that advisors who speak to us honestly show that they are actually our true friends.
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Larry Barker
Director of Church Planting and Church Health Larry Barker submits a weekly column titled, Healthy Church Solutions, designed to strengthen and encourage the local church.
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