HEALTHY CHURCH: The Loneliness of Leadership
We have all heard the adage, “It’s lonely at the top.” We certainly disagree with half of that quote because ministry leadership is not about being “at the top,” but it is true that leadership can involve some very lonely moments. It has also been said that “you should never have to stand alone, but you may have to.”
Leadership can require making hard decisions that others are unwilling to make, and that unquestionably adds to the loneliness equation. One of the biggest leadership blunders is deciding to forge ahead alone and foolishly thinking you can make it by yourself. Elijah wrongly announced that he was “the only one” (I Kings 19:10).
Proverbs 15:22 reminds us that “Without counsel purposes are disappointed: but in the multitude of counsellors they are established.” Proverbs 28:26 adds this advice: “He that trusteth in his own heart is a fool: but whoso walketh wisely, he shall be delivered
It has been estimated that 75% of the messes leaders get into is because they did not invite others into the process. Wow! That should cause you to think carefully about how you lead and make sure you lead with others as a team. You must remember that two heads are better than one, and three are better than two. Do not make the journey alone.
Loneliness is combated not only by having companions but by making sure they are the right companions. Sometimes the advice you receive is worse than no advice at all. Job’s wife advised him to just “curse God and die.” The children of Israel in the wilderness advised Moses that they were better off as slaves in Egypt, where at least their bellies were full and that maybe they should have never left? Then 10 spies advised the congregation to not enter the promised land, and they paid for that decision for 40 years. Companions for the journey are crucial, but the wrong company can point you in the wrong direction.
How do you combat loneliness while receiving the best counsel? Begin by listening to God. Pastor Ronnie Mills wrote this recently: “When someone says they ‘audibly’ heard the voice of God… run away. God does not speak to us audibly in this day and time. He speaks to us through His Word, which He has written and preserved. The person who says otherwise is delusional, led astray by their own appetites, and wants others to think the blessing and favor of God is upon them. I would immediately put them in the category of individuals like Kenneth Copeland, and other prosperity teachers who are false.”
“God, who at sundry times and in divers manners spake in time past unto the fathers by the prophets, hath in these last days spoken unto us by his Son, whom he hath appointed heir of all things by whom also he made the worlds” (Heb. 1:1-2)
The Word of God is your foundation. Knowing that God will never direct you in opposition to His Word, begin to discern what God desires you to accomplish. The Holy Spirit of God guides and directs a life that is surrendered to His will. This journey with other leaders brings up one of the best definitions of leadership from Spiritual Leadership by Henry and Richard Blackaby: “Spiritual leadership is moving people on to God’s agenda.” Never relinquish God’s voice from your life or allow His voice to become secondary to other voices. Are you in His Word and in His presence to make sure He is the loudest voice in your life?
Everyone needs a close group of friends, mentors, coaches and spiritual advisors. A good spiritual coach has the goal of helping you listen to and hear God’s voice of direction. A good coach helps you reach God’s agenda for your life and stay on that track. Once you have discerned His direction, the focus must be the execution of that plan. Friends and mentors focus more on your character (who you are), while a coach/advisor keeps you focused on what you are doing. You need a host of godly counsel that reminds you of the transformational aspect of your journey in Christ but also the transactional (James 1:22).
Have you ever thought about how Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego are always mentioned together? It is as if they functioned as one person in the book of Daniel. They spoke out as one, they decided as one, they stood together as one and they went into the fire as one. The strength of their relationship was put to the test, and not only survived but passed the test with flying colors.
Once again, please remember that you should be willing to stand alone, but you should never have to because God has provided others to stand with you if you will just look for them. Take the initiative and reach out for that threefold cord that is not easily broken.
Who do you turn to when times are dark and difficult? Who do you have praying for you regularly and are supporting you on their knees? Who do you run to and lean on when you are not sure what you should do next? Where do you go when you need advice on how to solve a problem or fix a situation? Missionary William Carey went to India in the late 1700s. His famous quote was, “I will go down if you will hold the rope.” Who is holding your rope? Who is committed to praying for you and with you, encouraging you, challenging you and sometimes giving you a swift kick on the bottom?
Feeling lonely is real and should not be ignored. In Christ, you have a friend who sticks closer than a brother. You are never alone because He will never leave you nor forsake you. Find some godly friends who know who you are and love you anyway, and whose focus is to keep you on God’s agenda for your life.
Dr. John David Smith has said, “Leadership development is first a relationship of trust… Trust comes through the vulnerability of the leader, not mere transparency. Transparency says I will allow you to see what I want you to see; vulnerability says I will allow you to see the real picture and how Christ has changed me.”
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Larry Barker
Director of Church Planting and Church Health Larry Barker submits a weekly column titled, Healthy Church Solutions, designed to strengthen and encourage the local church.
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