STUDENT MINISTRY: Investing in Marriage and Ministry
This week, my wife and I celebrate 31 years of marriage. I could easily spend the entirety of my article bragging about her achievements in counseling and how much I love her. I continue to be smitten with this beautiful, caring and intelligent woman. Her greatest characteristics in the church have been her willingness to support my ministry and serve with her unique giftedness.
Serving in ministry as a married couple has been one of the greatest joys of my life. Temple agreed to marry a preacher and join me in this crazy journey. We were young and naive, but we had committed to both marriage and ministry. It hasn’t always been easy, but I wouldn’t trade it for anything.
It is important to remember some things as you navigate marriage and ministry, whether you are full-time or a volunteer. Let me share that I haven’t done this perfectly. In fact, there are definitely some things I would like to have done differently:
• If you are a vocational minister, you need to remind the hiring church that you are the one employed, not your spouse. While your spouse should be involved in the ministry of the church, their responsibility does not extend past that of other church members. Excessive expectations can put unneeded stress on the marriage. Whatever your spouse chooses to do or not do in the church, support them.
• If you are a bivocational minister, the church and family need to understand that ministry to your family is of high priority. That means you communicate that to them through your words and actions. This is definitely one of the areas where I struggled when I was bivocational. I felt the weight of responsibility for my church and job, but didn’t put enough effort into my family. I guess I knew they would always be there, but the lack of energy and effort I poured into my family during that time had lasting effects. It took a few years to work past that, so my exhortation is to make the adjustments now. Ministry begins in the home. There will be seasons when a job, church or family has to receive less focus. However, we shouldn’t put family in the background all the time because we think they will always be there. Pour into your family as often as you can.
• If you are serving as a volunteer with students, remember they need to see an example of a biblically healthy family. That means you must invest in your marriage relationship as you serve at the church. You might think your example is less important than a paid staff member, but I would argue that it is probably more important. The vast majority of students will not go into full-time ministry. They need to see a “normal” family living a “normal” life in a God-honoring way. Your students should hear you talking positively about your marriage and spouse. That means you must invest in that relationship. There are all types of ways to do that. Talk with your pastor if you are looking for Christian marriage conferences or books to read together.
There are many more things you may be able to add to this short list. If you work with students and are on Facebook, join our group (Facebook.com/groups/StudentMinistryMattersCommunity). There, you can share some of the things you do to strengthen your marriage as you serve in the Lord’s church.
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Dan Carson
BMA Youth Department Director Dan Carson writes a weekly column titled, Student Ministry Matters, through which he inspires, challenges, and informs BMA of Arkansas churches and church staff about all things pertaining to student ministry.
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