STUDENT MINISTRY: Being the Youth Pastor To Your Own Children
There are many challenges in student ministry. However, one that doesn’t find its way into many training manuals or seminars is being the youth pastor to your own children. My theory is that many in student ministry either don’t make it past those years or have had a bad experience and don’t want to talk about it. It can definitely be a time of testing.
Not only are there strange emotions and challenges for your teenager, but church and youth group members bring weird expectations to the table when your teenagers enter the group. They are afraid you will play favorites and give your teenager time and attention that belongs to their children. So, how do we navigate all these expectations and needs? Here are a few suggestions:
• Talk with your parents about your entering student. They need to understand that you are a parent just like they are. You are trying to navigate home, school, church and the varied interests of your teenager. Communicate with them and allow them to express their concerns. Don’t grow defensive during these conversations. Listen and speak to concerns as they arise.
• Be sure to have volunteers you trust with your teenager. When my children entered my youth ministry, there were a handful of adults who made a huge difference in their lives. I think about the way John O’Connor and Nathan Betts poured into my son. Laura O’Connor was among the ladies who cared for my daughter. I trusted these volunteers the way many parents trust the youth pastor of the church. I knew their theology to be sound and they loved my kids. There is not much more you can ask for.
• Don’t forget to disciple your children at home, not just at youth group. One area I didn’t do as well, at least in a formal manner, was discipling my own children at home. We teach that parents are the primary disciple-makers for our students, but it is easy to limit that disciple-making to youth group time. Be intentional with your teenagers.
• As you teach, don’t use your children as examples unless you talk to them in advance. Your teenager does not want to be embarrassed. Talking about their struggles or inability to listen to their parents is not a great approach. There are times to talk about their victories and celebrate good things in your family, but make sure that you talk to your teenager in advance.
• Have “check-ins” with your children. As your teenager is involved in your student ministry, you need to keep the lines of communication open at home. Talk on a regular basis to your children about how things are going. Talk to them about challenges they are facing within the group. My son has shared with me some of the challenges he faced during those years. There were moments of jealousy from other students. He navigated them well, but it was an extra challenge that he endured. Your “check-ins” could also be a part of your discipleship time.
Hopefully, these suggestions can help you as you start to navigate the waters of pastoring your own children. We would love to hear how you successfully work with your children in your student ministry. Join us at Facebook.com/groups/StudentMinistryMattersCommunity and share your ideas.
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Dan Carson
BMA Youth Department Director Dan Carson writes a weekly column titled, Student Ministry Matters, through which he inspires, challenges, and informs BMA of Arkansas churches and church staff about all things pertaining to student ministry.
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