STUDENT MINISTRY: Living Out a Christ-Centered Marriage
This past weekend, I had the joy of attending a very sweet wedding vow renewal service for my sister-in-law and her husband in Florida. (I missed all the crazy snow you received here in Arkansas but didn’t go far enough south to actually experience warm weather. Instead, it was cold beach weather — who knew that was a thing in Florida?) They only married in 2017 but wanted to renew their vows and dedicate their marriage to Christ. Christ and His Church wasn’t a part of their first wedding ceremony, and they wanted to rectify that with a second ceremony. Not too many 50- or 60-year-olds are willing to go through the effort of gathering their friends and family to publicly express their dedication to Jesus in their marriages. The symbolic nature of the service made me think of it as a “baptism” for their marriage. Terri and her husband wanted the whole world to know their marriage was now different — it is Christ-centered.
While Christ may have been a part of our wedding ceremonies, we may not be living like it. It can happen to all of us. We get caught up in our day-to-day life and work and forget to give our spouses the time they need. I am by no means an expert, but I have managed to stay married to Temple for the last 31 years. Most of the time, our marriage has been Christ-centered.
If you are in ministry, this becomes incredibly important as you seek to serve the church and live your life in front of others. I might even say doubly important as you serve students. Here are a few thoughts on living out a Christ-centered marriage:
• Husbands, love your wives like Christ loved the church. The question I always ask after seeing this section of Scripture in Ephesians 5 is, “How did Christ do that?” He gave Himself completely and sacrificially. That means I am in a continual cycle of sacrificing myself in the marriage relationship. I put my wife’s needs ahead of my own. I think about how my actions will affect her. Have I done this perfectly over the years? Not even close, but I try. If we wish to have a Christ-centered and Christ-honoring marriage, it begins with dying to self.
• Wives, respect your husbands. The specific need of husbands is respect. They may not always be worthy of respect and may have even failed you a time or two, but wives, God’s Word says to respect your husbands. When you do that, you build them up and help them become the fathers and husbands they are called to be.
• Submit one to another. Do you look to your spouse daily and consider what you can do to honor him or her and Jesus? Are you considering your partner as you make decisions? Or do you simply live as roommates with no deeper connection? A Christ-centered marriage considers Christ, your spouse, your family and His Kingdom. That may seem like a lot, but it is what we, as married people, are called to.
• Grow together as believers. Discuss the Word. Pray together. Worship together. Attend a small group together. Read a book together. The list goes on.
• Don’t be afraid to express your love publicly. As a student ministry worker, your students need to see a healthy marriage. I often give my wife a quick peck or hug and hear moans from our students. “That’s gross. Ugh. I don’t want to see that.” Your students need to see that. They need to know you care for your spouse. Your children also need to see and hear it. Now, I’m not saying to do anything inappropriate, but your spouse and others need to see your love expressed.
• Talk about your spouse with others. Let me modify that. Share with others concerning the good things about your spouse and marriage relationship. That should come naturally, but it often doesn’t. We can sometimes get caught up on the negative and start sharing those with anyone who will listen. Build up your spouse in the eyes of others. You may be at a low point in your marriage. Find one thing you are proud of and share. Start there and keep going.
There are a lot of things we should focus on and invest in for our marriages to remain healthy and Christ-centered. You may not need or desire to have a wedding renewal for your marriage, but the heart should be there. Our desire should be to honor Christ in every aspect of our marriage. While it is not always easy, there are many benefits.
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Dan Carson
BMA Youth Department Director Dan Carson writes a weekly column titled, Student Ministry Matters, through which he inspires, challenges, and informs BMA of Arkansas churches and church staff about all things pertaining to student ministry.
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